Movies and Mental Health Topics: Artificial Intelligence and Dating/Relationships

TV Series Explored:

Netflix’s Boyfriend on Demand and Black Mirror Season 4 Episode 4 Hang the DJ 

Written by Daniel Laluna, PsyD (Licensed Clinical Psychologist and Owner + Founder of Dr. Dan Laluna Psychological Testing Services)

With Collaboration Featuring Shirley Khuong, LCPC (Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor and the Founder of Self Compassion Counseling, a virtual private practice serving adults and couples throughout Illinois)

Boyfriend on Demand is a Netflix romantic-comedy that follows Seo Mi-Rae, who signs up for a virtual-reality dating service that creates “ideal boyfriends” and fantasy romance scenarios. While she participates in this AI dating service, she develops a romantic connection in real life, which forces her to confront what true affection and genuine intimacy truly means.

Among the many psychological themes explored include escapism, attachment, avoidance, idealization vs. reality, fear of loneliness, and utilization of AI/technology to meet emotional needs. Is it really real if one were to rely on virtual reality/technology/AI as the main source of fulfilling emotional needs, such as Seo Mi-Rae and her ideal boyfriends and fantasy simulations? What if it makes her just as happy as her real-life connections? These are the important questions to think about when watching this series.  

On the flip side, we have one of the few rare “happy” episodes of Black Mirror, a series that looks at the horrors of technology in Dystopian futures. Hang the DJ explores a world where people are matched by an algorithm and given predetermined relationship expiration dates. The big questions are trusting in authority and systems that dictate how long relationships last and who one should be with. Through its characters, this episode explores genuine relationships and secure attachments even within highly controlled environments. Additionally, choice and free will are explored in this episode, specifically by the two protagonists who end up “defying” what they’re told and instead choose each other because of how they feel. Ultimately, the main theme is human freedom or choice versus algorithmic certainty. 

What these two very different TV shows (in terms of genre and writing style) have in common is looking at the important of choice and real human connection. It explores love as going beyond an algorithm or idealized scenario. Rather, technology can be used to help foster genuine human connection and love, as opposed to humans solely relying on technology as fulfilling that aspect of one’s life and identity. 

Dr. Dan Laluna Psychological Testing Services specializes in psychological and neuropsychological testing services. I look at presenting symptoms and concerns (e.g. chronic worry, poor organization, forgetfulness, low self-esteem, academic struggles, hallucinations, poor interpersonal relationships, sensory concerns, anger, mood changes, and difficulty with social cues) can negatively impact one’s life. I provide testing to help individuals (and their families) obtain diagnostic clarification to identity areas in one’s life that are a significant source of distress. Furthermore, I provide recommendations or accommodations based on these correctly identified diagnoses to ensure appropriate treatment, as well as optimal functioning and well-being.

What the two Netflix shows/episodes highlight is the importance of romantic connection in one’s life and the significant impact it has on his or her identity. When I do comprehensive intakes as part of the testing evaluation, I make sure to ask about interpersonal relationships in one’s life (e.g. family, social, and romantic), as these are crucial in identifying struggles and concerns. For example, if one is significantly struggling from depressive symptoms, they potentially could be due to a hard break up, grieving the loss of a loved one, and/or lack of a social support system. These interpersonal dynamic aspects can then mask or incorrectly lead to thinking one has ADHD, a personality disorder, Autism, or another condition for example.

Four Questions from Daniel Laluna, PsyD, who specializes in psychological and neuropsychological testing, to Shirley Khong, LCPC, who specializes in couples counseling

Dr. Dan: What emotional needs are the main characters trying to fulfill? (Looking at attachment within relationships)

Shirley: In both shows, the main characters, Seo Mi-rae, Frank, and Amy, seem interested in finding someone to connect with. In Boyfriend on Demand, a single Seo Mi-rae was encouraged to try a virtual reality dating service as a social experiment. Initially, she was skeptical, however, as the show progresses, Mi-rae is forced to confront her grief and relearn to trust a partner again after her unexpected breakup. 

In Black Mirror, singles Frank and Amy are open to being in a relationship as they use the dating algorithm to find a compatible partner. After their initial first date, they both chose to continue navigating through dating different partners. Eventually, Frank and Amy realize they must confront the choice of trusting an algorithm or their intuition.

The underlying theme that runs through both shows highlights the importance of human connections in the age of technological advances and dating services. We can use dating apps and algorithms to find partners who share similar values and priorities; however, we must also strengthen our ability to humanize the experience by feeling uncomfortable emotions and thinking critically about what is important to us in a relationship.

Dr. Dan: What is the general appeal of the “ideal boyfriend?” How real or authentic is this? (Media psychology)

Shirley: We want to find someone who will save us from the parts of ourselves that feel unlovable. The “ideal boyfriend” is programmed to love and accept us. He represents the positive qualities (i.e., physical attractiveness, financial stability, emotional intelligence, self-awareness, etc.) we are looking for in a partner.

Yet, in doing so, it erases the realistic version of what a relationship actually looks like. I believe that the “ideal boyfriend” could be a path towards self-acceptance in forming relationships. He would be teaching us how to understand the parts of us that feel unlovable. However, he will not be the end-all-be-all. We need to be in relationships with other human beings who are also looking for a deeper connection that we crave.

Dr. Dan: How about the role of gender? Would this look differently for men vs. women

Shirley: Yes, and Black Mirror seems to know it. If the main character in Boyfriend on Demand was flipped, with a single man turning to a virtual partner instead of dating in real life, the reaction would likely be very different. Men in virtual relationships are often seen as pitiful or shamed, while the show frames the same choice for women as being empowered and selective. The double standard cuts both ways. It just shows up differently.

Men who have difficulty finding a partner in real life may choose to create their version of an ideal girlfriend. That can be perceived by others as creepy or immature, which further stigmatizes their inability to form connections and leads to festering negative emotions towards women. Women face a different version of the same pressure. Many women I work with describe carrying the emotional labor of the relationship alone, and when that imbalance goes unaddressed, an agreeable AI companion can start to look like a relief to an ongoing problem.

That's part of why I see AI companions as a tempting solution to loneliness rooted in a lack of real connection. But the virtual relationship in Boyfriend on Demand creates something closer to dependency, even addiction, blurring the line between what's real and what isn't.

Black Mirror shows both sides of modern dating: real excitement in meeting someone new, but a flood of matches doesn't guarantee compatibility or deeper connection. Some people want intellectual stimulation or playful banter, not just someone who agrees with everything they say.

Dr. Dan: Idealized relationships versus real human connection: What is the commentary of the show on this and how this apply in the real world, as it pertains to healthy mental health functioning?

Shirley: Both shows suggest that the appeal of an idealized partner, one who never disappoints, never disagrees, and never needs anything back, comes at a cost. It’s important to build organic, human connections, especially in the current times we’re living in, rather than outsourcing your intuition to an algorithm or virtual companion.

When looking for a compatible partner, it helps to know the qualities you value, while staying open to how someone can unexpectedly challenge you to be a better version of yourself. Every real person carries a different experience of the world, different needs, and different ways of showing up. Building a relationship together means staying curious, practicing empathy, and being respectful of those differences. It's worth noting that in Black Mirror, the couple who find their way to each other aren't the ones who trusted the system most, they're the ones who were willing to risk everything and walk away from it.

That sounds simple, but for many people it isn’t. Real openness requires a skill most people were never taught how to respectfully respond and stay present during conflicts. It can be especially challenging for someone who experienced an unhealthy, toxic relationship, this is especially hard. Shutting down, attacking (verbally or physically), avoiding, or numbing out are all protective responses and ways that your nervous system learned to stay safe. Over time, a lack of accountability or willingness to communicate boundaries, needs, and wants builds resentment, which leads to emotionally distant partners.

When we remove friction entirely with the help of an AI companion, we also remove the opportunity to build a tolerance for discomfort and practice the skills that make real relationships sustainable. That matters for mental health, too! The ability to sit with disappointment, repair after conflict, and stay connected through disagreement is what builds emotional resilience over time. An idealized partner, virtual or imagined, can't teach you that. I’d recommend clients ask themselves, “When conflict arises in your relationship, what is your first instinct: to engage, shut down, or walk away? And where do you think that response came from?”

ADHD/Autism Evaluations and Common Misconceptions About Diagnoses

Overlapping symptoms between Autism and ADHD on the surface include difficulty with focus, sensory sensitivities, hyperfocus on interests, restlessness, difficulty transitioning, anxiety from masking or overstimulation, communication and social difficulties. The nuances that psychological and neuropsychological testing can detect and decipher ensures the most accurate diagnosis, which can aid in treatment and continued care.

Short Bio: 

Daniel Laluna, PsyD is a licensed clinical psychologist, who has extensive experience and expertise providing neuropsychological/psychological testing, as well as therapy services for children, adolescents, and adults (sees all ages across the Lifespan).

He specializes in providing comprehensive testing evaluations, which include ADHD, Autism, IQ and Giftedness, Intellectual Disability, Alzheimer's/Dementia, Learning Disorders, School Testing to Determine if Applicable for Accommodations for IEP's/504 Plans, Personality Disorders, Anxiety, Depression, Memory, Gender Affirming Care, and Pre-Surgical Evaluation Clearance, such as Bariatric or Spinal Cord Stimulator. He received a BA from University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign and PsyD with a concentration in child and adolescent mental health from the Chicago School of Professional Psychology.

To schedule a testing appointment please contact via phone or email below:

Phone: 708-505-6862

Email: drdan@lalunapsychologicaltestingservices.com

Website: www.drlalunapsychologicaltestingservices.com

Office Address: 800 West Fifth Avenue, Suite 205E, Naperville, IL 60563

Short Bio: 

Shirley Khong, LCPC is a licensed clinical professional counselor and the founder of Self Compassion Counseling, a virtual private practice serving adults and couples throughout Illinois.

She specializes in helping adults navigate breakups and divorce, anxiety, people-pleasing, relationship patterns, and intergenerational trauma. Her approach integrates psychodynamic therapy, Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), IFS-informed interventions, and mindfulness to help clients develop healthier relationships with themselves and others. She is passionate about making mental health information accessible through practical, compassionate, and research-informed writing.

Phone: 773-828-1422

Email: skhong@selfcompassioncounseling.com

Website: www.selfcompassioncounseling.com